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| We're not what we used to be. I don't know if I love you anymore. I've been seeing facebook a lot lately and well... facebook is more well rounded. Lets just be friends. | | |
| I don't know.
I often wonder why it is that I am here, doing whatever it is that I do.
All the dreams and aspirations I once had have been abandoned or crushed in the last two years
And now, I don't know why I continue going forward in the ridiculous world of academia.
Just thinking of another two to three more years of poorly taught classes,
working my ass off for minimum wage, and living in freaking Lansing Death Cold...
Makes me really want to runaway and never look back at this modern day Gomorra.
I mean that in all seriousness.
This past year has been the worst year of my whole life.
10 times worse than pubescent middle school years.
As a result, I've become an overall ASS.
I stopped caring about people, and now I don't even feel guilty about it.
I was too tired to do anything in my free time besides sit on my ass and watch TV.
I don't go to church and I don't volunteer anywhere.
Every damn day more and more work piles up,
Even when I say "screw it all" and come up for air,
I can't even enjoy the time above the fray because all I can think about is the work to come.
Is this what my future holds?
I have hopes that things will get better,
but that light at the end of the tunnel seems to get dimmer each year. | | |
| It is my birthday. And it was rather pleasant and peaceful.
I worked, goofed around, and then ate a nice dinner with a good friend.
I really like it low key like this, perhaps my favorite birthday in a long time.
AND now, I have some time this night to write in here, xanga (my old dying website friend... I'll never leave you. Until death do us part)
1,2,3,4,6,8,12,24
2*2*2*3
Many prime roots this year.
hmm... I guess I haven't written much about Indonesia yet.
Well... Where to begin?
I like it here. It is much nicer than I expected. Minus the humidity and the mosquitoes, it is pretty much perfect. The people here have been very kind to me. From the time I arrived to this very day, I've experienced nothing but kindness. Even from strangers. There is something really different about this place, but I can't really put my finger on it. Whatever it is, I love it dearly. SO, all that to say that I haven't really gone through any culture shock (yet). Its not what I call "home", but it doesn't feel like "not-home" either. I don't know.
People here (and everywhere else too) tell me that I look so young. By that, they mean I look too innocent/naive to be doing whatever it is that I'm doing (I don't really know either). And they are right to think so. I am. I am quite naive. But, I think people help me out more because of this fact. Because I appear to be in greater need of help relative to the "tough seasoned" veterans of life, people automatically worry more about me and help me out. I have no desire to un-naive myself either. Whatever. whatever. whatever. Let me eat cake, dudes. Let me eat CAKE!
PLUS, I don't want to be a calculating person always suspecting ulterior motives and all that BS. GAG ME NOW! Even if they see truth more clearly, I don't really care. Truth is overrated. I prefer to project unrealistic idealism onto others, then hope and pray that it is/becoming TRUTH. You are, to a large extent, what people expect of you. AND I, for one, will choose to expect only goodness, compassion, honesty, and the like. Does that make any sense? Am I naive beyond belief? maybe...
Holy crap, this is getting off topic...
OK. back to Indonesia stuff...
For my work, I am running around and learning this and that like a crazy person. My professor keeps reminding me that if I don't do well, I'll get fired (yes, it is an empty threat, but it is still really annoying. He likes to have negative leverage). So I kinda play along. OH MY GOSH!! NO, DON'T FIRE ME!! NOO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! (just kidding, I don't say that)
But seriously, I don't think he realizes that the thought of going through more classes makes me want to drop out already... just thinking about 1 to 2 more years of poorly taught courses and racking my brain trying to solve some BS problem about surly men having beer or quiche for breakfast makes me want to puke. But, I can endure that crap as long as I continue to love this, THIS, whatever the hell it is that I'm doing right now. I don't know what it is, but I like it.
OK. my birthday is almost over. So I'll end this entry like this. goodbye for now. | | |
| I passed prelims.
They are finished.
I never EVER have to think about them EVER again.
Thanks be to God!
Seriously, the emotional toll of grad school is freaking ridiculous.
I was on the brink of complete emotional breakdown for 2/3 months straight.
I dare not think of how much hair and weight I lost.
If only I could go out for a drink. Dang this non-alcoholic society. I could really go for a Long Island right about now. Oh, they're so delicious! | | |
| Dear xanga,
I am alive and well.
Here are some pictures.
--Dale--
P.S. I miss american toilets
PICTURES!
Read more... | | |
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